Eye To Eye

I wrote 'Eye To Eye' with the intention of writing something a bit more upbeat than my previous two releases: Hide & Seek and My Heart Sings. It wasn't that I thought these last two songs were depressing or negative, I just wanted the feel of the song to be musically uplifting. But then the idea occurred to me to tie in the lyrics with the approach I wanted to take with the music. So here's what happened...


I was thinking how so often I pray to God and worship him feeling unworthy and ashamed. Maybe I know I've done something that will have hurt him and think that He could never love someone like me. But the message I want to put out in this song is that God is never ashamed of us, no matter what we do. He may be disappointed and saddened, but these feelings never exceed his love for us.


Here's a little story with an amazing message:

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Most of you will be familiar with the story that Jesus told about the prodigal son who leaves his family, taking a lot of his Father's money, and squanders it all on a self-indulgent lifestyle that leaves him bankrupt and living in squalor. He knows that he has messed up, and he wants so badly to be able to go back to his family and live in the security of a loving home again. But he feels so unworthy and guilty that he prepares what he wants to say to his father in the hope that his father will take pity on him. He rehearses his line "Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son." (Luke 15:21) but when he arrives home, his father runs toward him and throws his arms around him as if nothing had ever happened. Before the son has finished his sentence, his father is already calling around his servants to prepare a meal so that they can celebrate his return!
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There's a very fine line between conviction and condemnation, and this in essence is what this song is about!


Condemnation means something completely different to conviction. Whereas conviction comes from God to nudge us in the right direction and tell us what pleases Him, condemnation does not come from God. To condemn yourself is to decide that you are past the point of being made good, from being made worthy and from being made perfect. God never condemns: "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Romans 8:1)


Isn't that great news?! It doesn't, of course, mean that you can do whatever you want! That would be to show complete disrespect to the amazing thing that God did when he sent his Son to die for us, so that we would be free from sin. "A freedom I could not afford, but I don't need to repay you."


So 'Eye To Eye', was written after I'd gone for a while thinking I wasn't worthy (good enough) to worship God. But according to the scripture I quote above, I am! "A spring in my step, now nothing's going to stop me from running toward the one I love, regardless of what I think, I'm good enough." In the first verse I say, "No more self-deprecation, it matters what I think..." and this is so true. I have to believe and know in my mind that God is making me perfect and constantly cleaning me up so that I can enter his presence in worship. If I don't believe that deep down, then I'm not going to be able to accept all of the amazing things that God has for me. I have to at all times see Eye To Eye with God on the matter of His unfailing love for me, and my worth to Him.


The most crucial part of this song to understand is the start of the second verse, "Forgiveness is my motivation, my inspiration to spend my life with you forever, and know you want me to." The key part of this process of coming to God knowing that we have done something that wasn't good for us, yet having him throw his arms around us, is forgiveness. As soon as God sees that we feel conviction in our hearts, he immediately forgives. 


How often do we come to God thinking that we have to do and say all of the right things to convince him to love us again? The truth is, He never stops loving us, and once we come to the realisation that we've strayed away from his presence, he's just waiting for us to run back to him!

Lyrics


You don't always want to see me begging on my knees
You'd rather see me running to you
Without dragging my heels
We won't see eye to eye when
I'm always staring down at my feet

No more self-deprecation, it matters what I think
For us to be together, one of us can't sink
Back to old philosophies - I've got to know that you love me

I lift up my eyes and see that you are smiling
Taken by what you see of me
Constantly trying my best to please
A spring in my step now nothing's going to stop me
From running toward the one I love
Regardless of what I think, I'm good enough

Forgiveness is my motivation, my inspiration to
Spend my life with you forever and know you want me to
A freedom I could not afford
But I don't need to repay you

When I'm convinced I'm unworthy, inadequacy reigns
You're thinking, "When will she just let go, and stop trying to make amends?"
It's something I could never do
I've got to know that you love me

If you couldn't see the good then why would you save me?
While I wallowed in the shame that was my own making
It was nothing that I did
It was nothing I could do
It's because you're good enough that I'm good enough for you

Space Shifting

I write this blog as I begin a new venture in a new home, a new city, and a new church. It still takes me by surprise that I've ended up here having been so at a loss as to what my future held only a few months ago. Somewhere, through all of the disorientation, I took steps and made choices that brought me here, yet all the while I was becoming less and less anxious about my future and the direction I was headed in. So here I am surprised and relocated.


Why 'Space Shifting'? I hear you ask. As I pondered writing about my move into this new chapter of my life, the phrase 'space shifting' wouldn't go out of my head. For some reason I felt this was to be the title of my next blog. So out of curiosity I went to find out if this was an actual term for something, and if so, what that 'something' was!


Space shifting is apparently a very new term that denotes the conversion of digital media (i.e. TV programmes) from one viewing format to another. Many of you will probably be regular connoisseurs of shape shifting technology, watching your favourite shows on your laptop or phone rather than the traditional television screen.


Having discovered that this term does have meaning, it struck me that these two words mean a lot to me right now in regards to my faith. I've left my friends and family for the first time and I've left my church for the first time. Despite me moving away geographically and beginning a new walk of life, I'm not really 'leaving' them all behind - my new change in course does not make me any less of a family member. My friendships remain intact! Despite me moving (the format changing) my relationships and connections to those people aren't any less real.

Space shifting applies to an even greater extent to my relationship with God. My world and environment have completely changed, I'm out of my comfort zone, I feel as though I'm a bit out of my depth. And yet, God is still streaming into my life every moment of every day. Inevitably there are times when I do feel that I'm out of touch with some of my friends and family, that somehow I'm missing out. But with God, he's right here with me where ever I go: "...For the Lord your God goes with you, He will never leave you nor forsake you." (Deut. 31:6)


My life circumstances change all of the time, there are emotional ups and downs, good stuff happens and some not so good stuff happens. Yet while circumstances change, God moves into each new situation. I find myself in a new city, but God is here - the very same God I had at home. God is transforming me all the time to become more and more like his Son. The essence of me remains the same, I'm still Deborah and I'm still unique. But the things that aren't so perfect, the things that get a bit worse for wear through life's challenges and upheavals, those things are made new and perfect. It's as though I'm one of the original TV sets with a few channels and poor reception, and gradually I'm being transformed over time into the most perfect TV set imaginable. I'm still at heart, a TV set (Debs), and I'm still being fed and sustained by the same electricity (The Holy Spirit - God) but my format is often changing.


Space shifting when viewed in this context is something that everyone experiences, but it's comforting to know that despite the impermanence and instability that the term suggests, when you know God and can recognise the move of Him in your life, it actually points to His inherently permanent and never-changing nature.