Followers

Last night I Tweeted something, as I often do, and when I checked back the next morning I noticed my number of 'followers' had dropped substantially. Now, I'm not the sort of person to keep score of my followers on Twitter and shed a tear or celebrate as the count fluctuates. What really got my attention was the nature of the said tweet and its effect! So here's a blog about this little occurrence :)

The tweet:

However, today was amazing!! I've never been at such an electric event. Atmosphere bursting with God's presence. #wcconf

The hash tag refers to the conference I had been to this weekend. It's an event that sees Christian worship leaders from around the world meet together and receive teaching, encouragement and blessing from a team based here in London. This year's event was amazing and I really did experience all of the above!

But to put this into context, the majority of followers I have on Twitter are people who have discovered me through my second greatest passion: music. And I'm so thankful for their support! It always astounds me. But having lost followers because of a 'faith related' post (my greatest passion), I was disappointed by my own reaction. My initial thought was, 'Maybe I should avoid posts like that in future... It's self-defeating to make people dislike you and stop listening to your music as a consequence. Keep followers and listeners - and avoid God tweets.'

It wasn't long before I despaired at my own reasoning! As much as I want to reach as many people who will listen, I also need to show people the real me. My ambition for my YouTube channel has been to write honest songs full of life experience, and to write from the heart without holding back (As my blog 'My Heart Sings' explains). To then act upon different principles to the same audience on a different social platform really would be defeatist! 

I love everyone who reads these blogs, watches my videos, keeps up to date with my Facebook page and follows me on Twitter. I know there are people in that group who probably read a tweet like the one above and think 'Okayyyy o.O That's a bit weird...' and despite this, stick with me through the rest of the time when I may appear more normal. To all of you who can recognise yourself as one of those devoted individuals - it's an honour to have your support. 

Final thoughts? I can't be prepared to compromise creatively, personally or spiritually and still aspire to excellence. I hope to stick by that belief from now on; even when the doubts appear and statistical milestones vie for my attention!

Behind Closed Doors

The 6th song that I've uploaded on to YouTube since the journey began back in June this year is 'Behind Closed Doors'. I'll firstly admit that I sang the song a key too high (capo blunder) so apologies for the squeakiness! 

But this blog is really about the lyrics. So here's a little insight in to the thinking behind them.

This song grew out of my realisation that a lot of the time I go to worship God, I'm drawn to do so by the desire to 'feel good' or get a motivational boost that will carry me through to the following Sunday. This feeling is summed up in the second part of the first verse when I say, "To see that smile and feel my feet lift off the ground. I want this day to be just like no other." It's great to get a lift and pick-me-up on a Sunday, but if that is the only day we set apart and devote to God, what happens throughout the rest of the week?

The chorus of this song describes what can happen if I see church as the moment of escape I can have with God. I can start to believe that he is only close to me in that particular building, with that particular music and that particular group of people. So when I go home and 'back to reality' I slip in to bad habits that I think God somehow won't notice. "A different world, some other sound; if only you could see me now. Not making efforts any more, behind closed doors."

The second verse introduces the key message I'd like to put across in this song. "You're always holding out a gift, that always gives my heart a lift..." This again, refers to the wonderful blessings I can go to receive on a Sunday that I then mistakenly leave behind at church. I go expecting him to give me the best of himself while I get the benefit of it. Yes I go to worship him, but if the outcome of me being rewarded is at the forefront of my mind then ultimately God isn't at the forefront of my mind!

This is where the next line comes in, "But if I walk away and I'm not changed; changed enough to change my ways, no fruit will ever come of our encounters." Fruit is a metaphor used in the Bible to describe the beauty and Godliness of our whole lives - not just our Sunday outfits. When suggesting how Christians will be recognisable in the world, Jesus said, "By their fruit you will know them..." (Matt. 7:16). The fruits of the Spirit, I would dare to say, are the least popular and least desired gifts from God. We all long to have gifts of the Spirit such as the gift of tongues, prophecy and healing. But Jesus calls us His own when he witnesses the fruit that comes out of our every day lives. The fruits are attributes such as patience, gentleness, self-control, kindness and goodness. 

"I can't lock this feeling out: Maybe there's more than what's in it for me." This line in the bridge is the essence of the realisation I came to before writing this song. My relationship with God isn't about what I can get out of it - although God has so much he wants to give me and is giving me. The gifts he has to give us are wonderful and should be desired by everyone! But if our fruit does not match that which Jesus describes, then the transformation of our character isn't occurring - and that's what really makes us Christ-like! God will go to great lengths to awaken us to this truth, which is something I learnt fairly recently. 

I know that for a lengthy period in my life I was living in disobedience with God and was neglecting my character and goodness. But in that time I still received the gifts of the Spirit. I spoke in tongues for the first time, I received words and pictures from God and people would be blessed while I led them into worship. But God saw my heart and knew that no fruit was coming of our relationship. So he slammed on the breaks. And I then learnt that if God was going to use me in a mighty way for a life-long  ministry, I needed to bring my character in line with his. 


His gifts he is always ready to give me when I seek them - but the fruits of his Spirit require a response and attitude from within my heart and an integrity to live a life that honours my Creator. I've learnt that when you let God in to the whole of your life, you start to experience a different, better, more alive world, "Now you are here."

Lyrics

When you I meet, fixed day, fixed street

Fixed appearances my attempt to please you

To see that smile, and feel my feet lift off the ground

I want this day to be just like no other

But as we draw to a close

I head back to reality

When I think your back is turned...

A different world, some other sound

If only you could see me now

Not making efforts any more, 

Behind closed doors

No second thoughts to what I say

No time to throw these thoughts away

You know I would... (If you were here.)

You're always holding out a gift

That always gives my heart a lift

That's why I'm always on my best behaviour

But if I walk away and I'm not changed

Changed enough to change my ways

No fruit will ever come of our encounters

It's in the little things, In everything I do

When I think your back is turned

What you can't see won't hurt you

Knock, knock echoes out

I can't lock this feeling out

Maybe there's more than what's in it for me

Knock, knock ringing in my ears

Each time I go to disappear

And shut you out time after time

You want to pull me out, You want to rescue me

So I can walk with you, so openly

No hidden corners no, No secret hideaways

Unless you're here with me, I'm going to turn the key

A different world, some other sound

I know that you can see me now

Nothing is hidden anymore

Behind closed doors

A second thought to what I say

Some time to throw these thoughts away

I know I should... Now you are here

Irreversible

It's October already! Wow this year has flown by. I find each year of my life seems to go by more quickly than the previous year. I think that's part of growing older though. In the lead up to each birthday the increasing lack of excitement matches the increasing number of digits in my age! Gosh I'm saying this when I'm 22 going on 23.. imagine what I'll be saying when I'm 39 going on 40..!!


This blog is about a word I came across while writing my recent masters dissertation. This was a beast of an assignment, but even in the most exhausting of moments, something would catch my attention and take me by surprise. On one occasion the term 'irreversibility' came up. Now of course my first thought was "Hmm so something can't reverse backwards.." but I realised this definition probably wasn't going to cut it! 


So after a bit of searching around I soon discovered that it was related to the word 'immortality'. Slightly more interesting! Irreversibility is amazing. Believe me. How does it work and why should you be interested? I'll do my best to explain!


So firstly I'll relate it to my life. All of my life I have been growing and developing as a person. I've learnt lessons, I've learnt skills. I've changed physically, I've changed emotionally. A lot of great things have happened to me; some challenges have come my way. Life has sometimes been easy; other times it has been a struggle. But despite all of these things, I've always had the sense that I'm going somewhere. I think most people, whether they believe in an afterlife or not, live their lives feeling as though they are on a journey and heading towards a finishing post of some kind - growing as a person a long the way.


So, irreversibility essentially means that as we progress through life, we really do constantly progress. There's no digression. We're constantly changing. It relates to immortality in the sense that, we can't degenerate and having become full of life gradually start losing that life and start heading downhill. 


                                              We don't have a reverse gear!

As usual, I started thinking about what this means in terms of my relationship with God :)


This is the amazing bit. When I feel like I've stuffed up and made a mess of things, or maybe I've gone through a really hard time and I feel really weakened by it all - none of this sets me back. Say I make a mistake, and then I come to God and he tells me everything's okay and shows me how to move on, I'll feel as if I've taken a step forward. But then I make the same mistake again... and I feel as though I need to take 2 steps back and return to the place I was before. Well, that is not what happens. I can carry on where I left off! My relationship doesn't go on pause while I sort myself out, or rewind back with God saying "Now, we've been here before." I'm always experiencing new things, facing new challenges, but being transformed constantly every brand new second of every brand new day into the person God created me to be.


A guy called Paul described his life's journey with God in this way:


But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 3:14)

There are always greater things ahead, and we're never at a point where God can't move us on in Him. There's never anything we go through that God can't use to make us more like Him. 

But we all, with unveiled faces, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit. (2 Cor. 3:18)