Well, having made my way through a whirlwind of a few months which threw me up, tossed me around and threw me back down to earth with a great thud, I'm experiencing the calm after the storm...
As I've explained previously, I did find peace amidst the storm, but this calm is more of a feeling that somebody's pressed pause. You know, similarly to when a house alarm rings out for ages, after what feels like an eternity somebody turns it off and you can hear the silence ringing in your ears. Now that I appear to have landed on my feet and found security again, normality is creeping back in - and having prayed constantly to 'just get back to normal!' I'm now not entirely sure it's what I really wanted.
When you're vulnerable it's very easy to hear from God and experience Him in your everyday life. You rely on Him for everything and nothing is mundane or repetitive because you can see God working in each moment of your own helplessness. So then you become reliant upon God and are lifted out of that place of insecurity, but the danger is that we start to rely on ourselves again and life isn't as exciting as it was before. Vicious circle?
Living life through hard times can seem horrible at the time, but now that I'm out of it I can see that somewhere along the line, the bubble burst. Now that I've left my fears and worries at Jesus' feet, instead of continuing to consult Him about everything and worship Him with the same passion as before, I've gotten comfortable again and self-sufficient once more. Okay I'm being a bit hard on myself here... I have come out of the storm completely changed and spiritually revitalised. But I'm just really aware that I can't afford to get complacent!
I found myself bored the other day. This may sound ridiculous, but I actually haven't been consciously bored for weeks! And it occurred to me that when I was hurting and needing God's comfort all the time, at least I was spending every spare minute with him instead of sitting around doing nothing...
I found myself bored the other day. This may sound ridiculous, but I actually haven't been consciously bored for weeks! And it occurred to me that when I was hurting and needing God's comfort all the time, at least I was spending every spare minute with him instead of sitting around doing nothing...
The hardest chapter of my life was actually like living in a bubble, seeing things through the rainbow colours of its edges - floating around on the wind of the Spirit without having to carry myself. Only now that the storm has stopped has the world turned to black and white again and I'm faced with the real test that comes with pursuing God during the easier times. It's typical though isn't it? When life is treating you well you should have every reason to thank God and be joyful, yet it is one of life's hardest challenges!
