More Than I Could Bear

So many of you will be aware that since the last time I blogged a lot has changed in my life. No longer am I a guitarist in an acoustic duo. My last blog 'Surrender' will give you a certain degree of insight into the decision my band mate and I reached, so I won't go into much more detail about it. Maybe I'll shed more light on it at different times in the future. 

For now, I'd like to share what I've learned as a result of coming through this massive change in my life. To begin with, a lot of my identity and ego was bound up in my band, so I've been through a process of self-re-discovery! And I've also had to deal with the huge loss of something that was very dear to me. 

As much as I know that leaving DaViglio behind was the right decision, coming to terms with that emotionally and spiritually has been a different matter. When I say spiritually, I mean in terms of my faith and what effect losing such a huge part of my life had upon my relationship with God. Sometimes we forget to involve God in our lives, to such an extent that it gets to the point where he has to get our attention.

I've heard it said many times by other Christians that God will never let us go through more than we can bear. So I believed through most of my life (up until a few weeks ago) that I would never reach the end of myself, I would never be at a point in my life where I would feel completely lost and helpless, and unable to take any more pain. 

Well... I reached that place. And it was a place I thought God would never let me walk into. But I was there... so he must have allowed it to happen. How could this be? My faith was practically in ruins - but not completely.

How did I get out of that dark place? Well I prayed, like I've never prayed before. I cried out to my Creator, to my Father who I thought was no longer with me; how could he be when I was so lost? But I called out to him and he was there. You know, what I now know that I didn't know before is that God does sometimes let us go through things that are more than we can bear, because unless we realise that our entire existence and peace of mind rests upon him, we will never be able to thank him for his goodness. 

I was reading some devotional notes the other day and came across this verse from a book in the Bible called Hosea. 

"But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there." (2:14)

Even though I was in a wilderness, and disoriented, scared and confused; it was the only place in which I could encounter God for who he really is - My Everything. The darkness and sense of danger didn't come from God, but he let me experience it in order that I might let him save me. No longer can I go through life saving myself. When I did find him in the wilderness, I found him to be so loving, and kind and gentle that I know if I ever find myself at a similar crisis point, I can rush back to that place of intimacy and know that I'm safe. 

“There is no one like God, who rides across the heavens to help you and on the clouds in his majesty. The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms." (Deut. 33:27)