A week or so ago I released a song of mine called 'Hide & Seek'. I've been writing and recording pretty much instantaneously at the moment as I want my performances to be fresh out of the song-writing process :)
This particular song has a lot of lyrics (so this is a long blog!) but it shouldn't take me that long to explain what inspired them. I went through quite a long phase in my life quite recently of putting a lot of things before my relationship with God. As you will no doubt have gathered by now, this relationship is very important to me.
It's easy to believe in God from a distance and to see him as 'The Big Guy In The Sky' - well I think so anyway. It's more challenging though, to involve him in your everyday life on an intimate level. I went too long avoiding spending time in His presence and praying with Him because I was afraid of making that commitment. It was too demanding, and I knew that in order to come to Him with an open heart I had to stop hiding things from Him that I didn't want Him to see. There were things I didn't want to let go of that I knew I needed to. And until I was prepared to put God before those things I couldn't stick around in His presence for too long. Not because He turned me away, I just knew deep inside that I wasn't being honest with Him. And as many of you will know, relationships without honesty are not close relationships!
So I would go through the motions of meeting God so that I was still 'making the effort', but I would never let Him fully into my life. Some things I was too ashamed of; others I was too attached to and didn't want to let go of. But what I can now see is that, even though I kept putting barriers up, God never walked away to leave me to it. He was always there, always with me waiting for me to respond. As if all my failings would make Him turn away from our relationship! Jesus was exposed to all of the evil in the world and God raised Him to life and welcomed Him back :)
In one of the bridge sections of this song I say, "Me the one who's always failing, I the girl who kept you waiting, but in your eyes I haven't changed since the day we first met."
No matter what I do, God sees me as the beautiful, open-hearted person He created before the world began. So even when I hide from Him and do things my own way, His love never changes. I hope that has encouraged some of you who may feel unworthy to be a friend of God. He's always longing to meet with you :) Just stick around long enough to get to know Him properly and let go! That's what I've learnt anyway. The rewards are endless.
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come to pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart. I will be found by you ... and bring you back from captivity." (Jeremiah 29:11-14)
Hide & Seek
I'll name the time, I'll name the place
Meet me there and don't be late
A rendezvous of the all too familiar kind
Where face to face we never meet
In this world of hide and seek
Count to ten and I'll run into midnight
My footsteps barely hit the ground
As I find the place I won't be found
Little did I know...
You would never turn away
Despite the many games I played
Running circles around the heart
That beats for me
You wanted what was truly yours
Despite the many faults and flaws
How could I not see your jealousy
You didn't hide it, you promised:
Seek and I will find you waiting
Where you've always stayed so patient
You will always be here when I get back
What drew me here to meet with you?
What made me leave? I have no clue
Time after time I would ask myself why
All that I knew was deep inside
With you the darkness became light
Ashamed of what you might see in the clarity
My pride would lead me to a fall
But you didn't stand and gloat at all
I did not know...
You would never turn away
Despite the many games I played
Running circles around the heart
That beats for me
You wanted what was truly yours
Despite the many faults and flaws
How could I not see what you could see
Each and every time you looked at:
Me, the one who's always failing
I the girl who kept you waiting
But in your eyes I haven't changed since the day we first met
I want to be found....
What was I afraid of?
You will never turn away
Despite the many games I play
Running circles around the heart
That beats for me
You wanted what was truly yours
Despite the many faults and flaws
How could I not see your jealousy
You didn't hide it, you promised:
Seek and I will find you waiting
Where you've always stayed so patient
You will always be here when I get back
Monday, 25 July 2011
Monday, 18 July 2011
The Weather
This is just a quick little blog to share a thought. It may read off like a cheesy cliché but I think it holds a lot of truth!
Today I was hoping beyond hope that my dog would decide that due to the awful weather outside he would forego his usual walk and stay indoors in the warmth instead. But no, he wanted one. So I waited until the last possible moment before venturing out, put on my raincoat and got wet! As soon I as got home afterwards, out came the sun and the rain ceased for the first time in days. Despite my despair at the weather's slightly twisted sense of humour, it reminded me of something weather-related that had happened the day before. Something a little less humiliating!
All weekend there has been torrential rain, and driving in the car yesterday it was pouring down in bucket loads. But then to my surprise, through the window I saw a little bit of blue sky peeping out from behind the monstrous black clouds surrounding it, and my dad remarked, "You know, the sun is always shining, it's just that sometimes we can't see it."
And of course he's right. It's a concept that's easy to understand when you take off in a plane, and as you ascend higher and higher you leave behind a stormy landscape and emerge into glorious sunshine - and the thick layer of cloud that once seemed to be so dark and threatening becomes a thin layer of black mist, miles below you.
It's so comforting to be reminded that despite what life may look like on earth, God is still providing the light and warmth that sustains us. It's always a sunny day, except sometimes a few clouds float over and float away again - how quickly we let them deceive us into thinking the sun has lost it's strength and power! It never stops shining :)
Today I was hoping beyond hope that my dog would decide that due to the awful weather outside he would forego his usual walk and stay indoors in the warmth instead. But no, he wanted one. So I waited until the last possible moment before venturing out, put on my raincoat and got wet! As soon I as got home afterwards, out came the sun and the rain ceased for the first time in days. Despite my despair at the weather's slightly twisted sense of humour, it reminded me of something weather-related that had happened the day before. Something a little less humiliating!
All weekend there has been torrential rain, and driving in the car yesterday it was pouring down in bucket loads. But then to my surprise, through the window I saw a little bit of blue sky peeping out from behind the monstrous black clouds surrounding it, and my dad remarked, "You know, the sun is always shining, it's just that sometimes we can't see it."
And of course he's right. It's a concept that's easy to understand when you take off in a plane, and as you ascend higher and higher you leave behind a stormy landscape and emerge into glorious sunshine - and the thick layer of cloud that once seemed to be so dark and threatening becomes a thin layer of black mist, miles below you.
It's so comforting to be reminded that despite what life may look like on earth, God is still providing the light and warmth that sustains us. It's always a sunny day, except sometimes a few clouds float over and float away again - how quickly we let them deceive us into thinking the sun has lost it's strength and power! It never stops shining :)
Sunday, 3 July 2011
Miss Amnesiac
With my second video going up on my YouTube channel this week I'm starting to feel a bit more like an artist again. I definitely felt more pressure uploading this one as the precedent had been set with Jericho and I was slightly concerned that people would want more of the same! But 'Miss Amnesiac' is quite different. It's a lot more relaxed and fun to play, and differs in style from my first song. :)
Once more I just want to take some time to explain what the lyrics are about. My previous blog entry 'Bubbles' actually talks a lot about what I've been learning recently. I'm just so aware that I have to keep reminding myself and being reminded of my dependency upon God and the amazing things he is doing in my life. The first verse of 'Miss Amnesiac' describes that realisation which takes place when you suddenly realise you didn't include God in your life today, you didn't talk to Him as often, you didn't take time to listen. And when you realise that, all of a sudden life seems emptier than before.
The character Miss Amnesiac refers to the part of me that tends to forget quickly what God has done and goes its own way without looking back to God. The bridge section talks about the juxtaposition of having to keep moving forward on your journey but remembering what God has done in the past in order to do so. God is before us in the future - encouraging our every step toward him, and simultaneously he is behind us in every experience we've ever had with him - egging us on.
I hope you enjoyed this song! And I hope if you were wondering what on earth I was talking about in the lyrics that the riddle has been solved.
Miss Amnesiac
Who put the screen to black and white?
Why has my day turned back to night?
I don't remember saying I need a change of scene
I guess this is where the real test finds me
When the urge to look back builds up inside me
Remind me to keep my gaze ahead
It's this juxtaposition of fixing my vision
On the place that I'm called to
While having in mind the most remarkable times
That I've had in days gone by
Don't let me forget, You know just what it means to me
To know that I can find you, No matter where I am
You'll be waiting here in the moment
When I gave my heart to you
And you wrote your word upon it
So it would never slip my mind
To visit here again
Now that I've tasted and I've seen
The question is just what does this mean
I know that nothing else could ever satisfy
Don't let me lose this trail of thinking
It's the one way to keep this ship from sinking
Remind me there's so much more to see
It's this juxtaposition of fixing my vision
On the place that I'm called to
While knowing it's fine if ever doubt fills my mind
For me to run straight back to you
Never again will I start to back-track
To the acquaintance of old, Miss Amnesiac
She's gone, gone for good, farewell goodbye
It's in with the new old friend of mine
Once more I just want to take some time to explain what the lyrics are about. My previous blog entry 'Bubbles' actually talks a lot about what I've been learning recently. I'm just so aware that I have to keep reminding myself and being reminded of my dependency upon God and the amazing things he is doing in my life. The first verse of 'Miss Amnesiac' describes that realisation which takes place when you suddenly realise you didn't include God in your life today, you didn't talk to Him as often, you didn't take time to listen. And when you realise that, all of a sudden life seems emptier than before.
The character Miss Amnesiac refers to the part of me that tends to forget quickly what God has done and goes its own way without looking back to God. The bridge section talks about the juxtaposition of having to keep moving forward on your journey but remembering what God has done in the past in order to do so. God is before us in the future - encouraging our every step toward him, and simultaneously he is behind us in every experience we've ever had with him - egging us on.
I hope you enjoyed this song! And I hope if you were wondering what on earth I was talking about in the lyrics that the riddle has been solved.
Miss Amnesiac
Who put the screen to black and white?
Why has my day turned back to night?
I don't remember saying I need a change of scene
I guess this is where the real test finds me
When the urge to look back builds up inside me
Remind me to keep my gaze ahead
It's this juxtaposition of fixing my vision
On the place that I'm called to
While having in mind the most remarkable times
That I've had in days gone by
Don't let me forget, You know just what it means to me
To know that I can find you, No matter where I am
You'll be waiting here in the moment
When I gave my heart to you
And you wrote your word upon it
So it would never slip my mind
To visit here again
Now that I've tasted and I've seen
The question is just what does this mean
I know that nothing else could ever satisfy
Don't let me lose this trail of thinking
It's the one way to keep this ship from sinking
Remind me there's so much more to see
It's this juxtaposition of fixing my vision
On the place that I'm called to
While knowing it's fine if ever doubt fills my mind
For me to run straight back to you
Never again will I start to back-track
To the acquaintance of old, Miss Amnesiac
She's gone, gone for good, farewell goodbye
It's in with the new old friend of mine
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